Why the "Bad Boy" wins and the "Nice Guy" eats last.

It’s not that a woman is attracted to “bad boys” because they mistreat women and act badly.

(Unless deeply wounded because her inner representation of love matches the mistreatment she experienced or witnessed in her childhood).

Women are attracted to DISCERNMENT.

Women (the healthy feminine) are attracted to a man who can lead, protect and set boundaries with her, with himself & with others.

A ‘nice guy’ has no boundaries.

A ‘nice guy’ abandons himself.

He carries a wound of over-serving, over-giving & over-pleasing in hope to “get the girl” (often shown through love bombing type behaviours).

Through his actions of over-giving and being over-available - he seeks validation to be loved.

A woman can sense a man’s self-abandonment through his over-availability.

She knows (either consciously and/or primally) that if a man doesn’t have boundaries with himself (and with her) - he won’t have boundaries with others.

This to her feels unsafe.

A healthy woman doesn’t want a servant.

She wants a man who can be of service but never to his own detriment.

She wants a man who embodies DISCERNMENT.

So,

Does the ‘Bad Boy’ embody this, because many women tend to choose this over the ‘Nice Guy’?

Not quite.

The ‘Bad Boy’ does what he wants and when he wants - which can masquerade as discernment.

This can come across as self-leadership, which is an attractive trait for a woman.

However -

The ‘Bad Boy’ doesn’t bring any more safety to a woman than a ‘Nice Guy’ does.

Both archetypes are unhealthy (imbalanced) expressions of the masculine.

The ‘Nice Guy’ lacks Dark Masculine qualities - the part of him that holds discernment, sets boundaries, leads with confidence, values himself & his time.

The ‘Bad Boy’ lacks Light Masculine qualities - the part of him that softens, slows down, serves, honours, holds patience and attunes to a woman’s needs & emotions.

The ‘Bad Boy’ often takes what he wants and when he wants it.

He takes charge (attractive for a woman).

However,

Deep down he feels unworthy & unloveable, and is often disconnected from his feelings & emotions.

Deep down the ‘Nice Guy’ also feels unworthy & unloved. He is more attuned to his emotions, and is seeking to give all of himself in order to gain love & approval.

A ‘Nice Guy’ often carries anxious qualities.

(This often attracts an avoidant woman).

In contrast -

A ‘Bad Boy’ often carries avoidant qualities.

(This often attracts an anxious woman who self-abandons).

These wounds keep dancing together & trigger each other until one or both choose to heal.

Both the ‘Bad Boy’ & ‘Nice Guy’ often attract wounded women who are the counterpart to this concoction of a co-creation.

A secure healthy woman seeks a healthy balanced man who holds both light and dark masculine qualities.

This is a man who can soften AND discern.

This is a man who can be gentle AND strong.

This is a man who can be of service but NEVER to his own detriment.

He knows when to be patient, attuned, gentle and of service. And he also knows when to draw a line, because his service is not available to people who are in the energy of taking from him.

He cannot be used or persuaded.

Because he has eyes to see and discernment to present.

In summary, and in truth -

It’s not that the “Bad Boy wins and the ‘Nice Guy eats last.”

UNLESS -

the ‘Nice Guy’ still operates from an unhealed wound and will continue to attract experiences that validates his wound of

“I gave my everything but got nothing back. She chose a guy who didn’t treat her as well as I did”

Polarity work goes beyond Feminine/Masculine concepts of a man & a woman.

It begins with our own inner polarity.

Balancing our own light/dark and feminine/masculine.

Harmonising our own inner union. 👑

Because a healthy & balanced inner Union holds the foundation for a healthy outer Union with another. ❤️

This is the work that we do in my world of conscious relating.

Welcome home.

Linda x